What is Self-confidence- Self-confidence can be express as a way of trusting your ability to make things done in all odd. Self-Confidence makes you developed that inner mindset and strength you need to achieve your purpose goal in life.
I described self-confidence as an internal grace build into existing human being, i.e if you realize whom you are.
Self-confidence is one asset anyone anticipates success in life should acquire. It starts basically from the perception you have about yourself. Being an ardent or lethargic person has an enormous impact on how others see you; there is a way you communicate the real feelings of life to them and they relate to you based on what you feel about yourself.
Perception, in a way, births reality. There is a direct connection between what you experience in life with what you conceive. If you believe what you are thinking about yourself strongly, it would be a matter of time before others would be behind to support and follow you.
During my primary school-days, there was this class mate of my who was a torment on my flesh; she always wanted to put up a fight with me, for me I kept running away from her in other to avoid her beating. Immediately after closing hour I will run for my life to get a cover from my elder sister ‘Helen’. Why? There was no self-confident in me then.
It kept on an on, here come a day, after closing of school, I went to the farm to carry some cassava home. On my way coming from the farm alone, I and this girl ram each other. Trust what would happen fight of course; she has being looking for different avenue to fight me because she believed strongly she can beat me up.
In short, that day was a day I will never forget in my life. I looked back nobody, no elder sister ‘Helen’ to run to as usual. But something inside me said confront her she would not kill you. Already she had taking away her bunch of fire wood off her head.
I acted like David and Goliath that day and I defeated her.
- Permit me to quote a bible passage here – 1 Samuel 17:45
David said to the Philistine, ‘Goliath,’ “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.
In the beginning she thought if she catch’s me for fight she will finish me because she is bigger in physical look and taller than me. But her physical structure deceived her.
Already she had taking away her bunch of fire wood from her head, ready for a fight. How I drop my basin of cassava down is still hanging on air for answer till today. But I knew immediately she’s about to attack me I gathered all the strength in me with boldness in heart, by that time all fears, timid and low-esteem has disappeared in me. She confronts me, before she could do anything I had already picked up her two legs straight inside the bush, landed her in a tick bush, as God may have it, something just held her for me.
This time she was the one down I was up beating her. Before the fight when I run into her, they were two of them she and her friend who also carried a bunch of firewood on her head, while the fight was going on. She had to drop her bunch of firewood to separate the fight.
Not knowing that there was a Chief Community elder that was inside the bush watching how the scenario stated, he has to come out from the bush to separate us. In all she sustained a lot of injure she couldn’t envisage.
‘David said but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.’
Fighting was just order of her day in school, I was not ready to fight but somehow God delivered her in my hand for a defeat.
After the fight I know that freedom is good for every human. I had my freedom to move around whenever I am in the school or after closing.
Self Confidence gives you freedom to exercise your authority and stand out.
I used to see those wrestling; they would come to the ring, make a lot of noise and rip his T-shirt showing you he was ready to tear opponents to pieces the same way. To some, the fight had ended even before they started-their minds had bought into the perception he’d created of his strength.
Developing self-confidence is what only you can do for yourself. You might be love, care, good parenting/background, good education, etc which go a long way to help but you still need to harness all of these to work in your favor. Are we making excuses for people who didn’t have a good start in life? Not really, every day is a good time to start making a difference and creating the ‘ideal you’.
Dealing/relating with someone who has severe confidence issues is a difficult encounter and thousands of relationship problems stem from low self-esteem. When a wife feels every outing the husband does is unconnected with female folks and a husband suspects every bib in his wife’s phone —wanting to know who and why the called. They constantly think their spouses are on the lookout for a better catch. Is this really necessary?
There is no particular universal reason for low self-esteem; it is a natural emotional state flowing basically from the knowledge you have of yourself-rejection, childhood experience, shortcomings, looks, weaknesses, flaws, inadequacies, limitations, etc. Interesting to note is the fact that other people may not even notice you have these challenges until you project them through your unconscious expressions or presentation. Handling situations in certain ways or reacting to things generally give others a clue to who you really are.
Trish had been enjoying her young marriage as a ‘trophy wife’- the type of a woman acquired as part of properties to increase a man’s worth. Some years ago, it was common for a woman to fantasize and wish for a life close to that of ‘Pretty Woman’- a favourite old film where a Richard Gere type hero solved your problems with a flash of his buoyant bank account. Trish missed out of this affluent experience growing up with her single mom who could only afford the very necessary things she needed to survive. Now that her beauty worked her straight to the arms of a financial investment consultant, she’d to play catch up with her peers who looked down on her misfortune. The result of course was a bulky lazy bear compared to a slim chick her husband captured when she came with others to compete for the best act in a TV commercial for his bank. She had totally forgotten about modeling which she explored to support her low income earner mom.
Trish’s request to join Mark, her husband for his official celebrations constantly met with excuses and explanations. When she finally forced her way to their end of the year party and saw her husband was the only married man without his wife beside him, she knew something was definitely wrong with her marriage-Mark sure wanted someone more than a mother of two and a house peg that only shop online, ate and slept all day. Why won’t she be fat? Trish struggled with this feeling for long and ended up depressed. A clever thing to do would have been, get to the gym and shake it off, cut food intake or substitute dangerous ones for healthier options.
Different things make people suffer lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. A sound check on your entire life to see the things that cause you pain and shame would be a step in the right direction. Although there might be things you cannot totally change except you want to do a quick fix ‘tummy tug’ and plastic surgery that would land you in early grave. For such things, develop a positive attitude to replace every negative thought bombarding your mind.
Once you have identified how to sort yourself, work on those areas constantly until they become no issue to you at all. Always remember to say to yourself ‘life is not a total package’ for anyone; we all have weaknesses and challenges but wise people project their strength not weaknesses.
Allowing your lack of self-confidence to shatter your marriage/relationship would be a big mistake. You don’t need to nag, control, jealous, suspect or be cantankerous, because you think your spouse is interacting/mingling with people of higher class. Concentrate and develop yourself; do it just for you and enjoy it.
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